Meeting Sam

a spiritual journey


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My awake dream

Right after I decided I was ok with making an introduction next time I went for a session with a medium, I met Sam…no introduction needed – this is a long story and I will try to explain it the best I can.

I also made “drawings” – these are stick figure drawings, they are meant to aid my descriptions and they are not very accurate but I tried 😉

This is a normal evening, just like any other evening – I go to bed and instead of sleeping, I am in a relaxed state with my eyes closed, trying to go to sleep. As I am falling asleep, I start to see little lights in my otherwise dark vision. Very faint, don’t make anything of them. I rub my eyes but my eyes are definitely closed and then I see this image:

IMG_3920

It was a wall, great wall, and this indian looking symbol in the middle like a gate keeper or not sure how to interpret it – it didn’t feel bad, it just was.

Later interpretations were 3D world borders, gate-keeper, 3rd eye opening, american indian energy (almost like a dream catcher) and third eye symbol look-alike, etc.

Whatever it is, it was interesting and it was pretty clear – my drawing is less than desirable but you get the idea 😉

I opened my eyes thinking OMG is that the devil, lol – but I quickly didn’t really care and just thought – weird! I then decided I really needed to go to sleep because now I am seeing “crazy stuff”

But that wasn’t the plan. Next, I saw a cool purple circle with multiple “orbits” rotating – that was on the right of my “horizon” and I also saw some lights around it – I didn’t count them and I don’t know how many exactly but around a handful.

IMG_3921I really didn’t know what to make of this and I was fully awake while seeing this – I thought I am seeing lights in the room so I kept touching my eyes and my eyelids were closed. I wasn’t dreaming because I was aware of my body (touching my eyes) and seeing “stuff” so I decided I am having some sort of an experience. Since I had decided I was ok with meeting a guide I thought maybe that is how I see a guide, as a light? I thought, ok, which one, come closer?

I then asked myself (in my mind) if these lights are guides or angels or spirits of loved ones, or? 🙂 I thought, I want to meet my spirit guide but I am scared. I kept thinking “oh, just go to bed, go to sleep, I am tired, go to bed, I don’t have time right now, I just need to sleep…”

But that didn’t quite happen 😉

In my drawings, the black lines represent just a dark “horizon” – like if you close your eyes and everything you see is black and the sheet of paper is the “big picture” like a movie screen. I tried to position all my masterpieces (hehe) just as they appeared in my mind’s eye – small or large, etc.

At this point I am back to the “yes I am curious but also lets try to go to sleep” thought – well, that’s mixed feelings (I was told later) and thus not what you would use as boundaries. Luckily, I didn’t have strong boundaries because I am happy I met Sam.

My next image was an S. The letter came in a light fog in the dark horizon and it came closer and very clear.

IMG_3922I had no doubt it was an S. I was excited, I knew I am getting a message and I thought “Sam” – I don’t know why I thought Sam and I immediately dismissed it because I thought I am making it up. I thought that must be the shortest and easiest name starting with an S I can think about.

I thought to myself, ok, I see an S, I see a clear S, so I am assuming your name starts with an S…I will call you S, no Superman, hehe. But I had a clear Sam – I just thought ok, spell it out, send more letters. Until then, all I know is an S.

I thought the way the S came was super cool – it was a little distorted, sort of like captcha, the letters you enter for online forms – but very clear at the same time – there was no doubt it was an S, a capital S.

So I, again, kept touching my eyes during these clear images, they were closed but I was awake – awake and tired but curious 🙂

I tossed and turned, I was completely aware of my body, etc – I was awake!

I thought to myself “ok, your name starts with an S, I get it” – I then saw him! He came in a fog too, like my letter, and he was small but I could notice quote a few things about him.

IMG_3923#1 he was a man.

#2 he was wearing a suit – very spiffy

#3 he had dark hair

#4 I could not see a clear face or facial features

#5 I didn’t know him (he was not a passed relative, etc)

Regardless, I knew he was trying to communicate and I knew his name started with an S. I remember thinking to myself “I wish I saw a face”, and “I wish I knew the full name” but I joked in my mind, ok, “Hi Superman or S or whatever your name is”

I remember thinking again how tired I was and that I really should sleep!

I was happy and thankful for the connection and I realized how “hard” it was. Meaning it felt slow and “coming from far away” almost to get the messages and images I saw.

At this point I fell asleep a little bit and when I woke up (eyes closed) I was seeing an a and I had to chuckle in my thoughts because I realized Sam is being confirmed, letter by letter – I got the M too, just a bit later. He spelled it out for me because he knew I was doubting my intuition that told me Sam in the beginning. I dismissed it and he confirmed it – in the future it will be easier to trust what thoughts I have and just go with the flow.

I kept thinking – “ok, this is really cool but I need to sleep, I will be SO tired!” – thoughts like this kept mixing with thoughts of “don’t be ungrateful – this is awesome. Some people spend a lifetime meditating and trying to have this happen and you just experience it easily, etc” – I was told later that boundaries are ok and I now feel that way – I feel more in control and I am still working on figuring out what works – this is all very new.

IMG_3925After falling asleep again, I “woke up” and with my eyes closed I saw Sam’s face, I knew it was him and I knew I am seeing something super large because I was complaining I didn’t get a face earlier 🙂

He has dark hair, big kind eyes and a mustache (I thought) so I exaggerated it in my drawing 🙂

So, the two questions I had (name confirmation, and face) were both answered the same night I met Sam – he heard me and he responded. I felt so happy and thankful that we were actually communicating!!! it was amazing.

But again, I was tired so I said thank you in my mind and said I was happy for the connection but really needed to sleep. Just before I thought “wait! Do you need to tell me something? Do you have a message for me?”

I didn’t really get much but again after a little sleep I got the feel of an audience – it felt like people sitting in an amphitheater.

IMG_3924I then got an image of a lot of lights out there – it was almost like the image from the movie Ghost (if you’ve seen it) at the end, when he “walks to the light” and there are others welcoming him into the other side, except for I wasn’t going there, I felt very much separated but I could see them all as many, many lights, happy lights.

I didn’t know what to make of it, I always wanted to know what am I supposed to do, how am I supposed to serve, what is my higher purpose? is there more to this (life)? Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing life…I don’t think things are “missing” I just always want to do more, learn more, help more, get better, pay attention, create joy and spread it! 🙂

When I showed this image to the medium she thought that many on the other side are excited about my awakening and my opening – excited about the connection. I think it feels true but I also got the audience feel and even though I don’t really know what it means, I trust it and I know that the answers will come at the right time.

Next waking up was in the morning and trust me, I wasn’t ready – I was, indeed, tired as I really didn’t sleep very well – but I was also excited about my connection and it seemed unreal.

It is also hard not being able to just tell anybody and everybody about it – can you imagine? “hey, guess what – last night I think I met a spirit guide and he spelled his name, and then…” haha, yeah right. Luckily, I have Teri and I was able to show her the images and talk to her about it without feeling judged. She agreed that Sam seemed like someone easy to ask questions of and he was…he definitely answered mine.

I felt like a whole new world is opening to me and as much as I was excited, I was also scared because I didn’t want to do this all the time as I was beat – I needed to figure out a better way but at the same time I was happy and excited.

What did this mean? Will I get some random spirits now connecting with me? Umm – creepy and NOT at all what I want to do. I have no desire to do that and I have no doubt that it is not over once we die so I don;t need to connect with all my dead relatives for any kind of reinforcement, etc – no, this is about something bigger – this is about something that I don’t already know. I am curious and I want to evolve and learn.

One other thing, during the night while I was having all the above visions, my computer turned on – full on light in the room and I thought—OH!!! don’t like that. Then, the second I looked at it, it turned right off! Now, for anybody that knows anything about computers, this is impossible given that I have a 30 minute screen saver setup – the computer once turned on, should have stayed on but it was Sam – he is computer savvy 🙂

It was kind of freaky and I remember this wasn’t the first time it happened but I never thought much of it before – now, since it happened right in the middle of the above visions, I knew he is telling me “I can do this;” however, it is not something I care for, it is a little freaky. I think the freaky part has to do with the society portraying different technology “stuff” in horror movies so that feels a little scary to me whereas the visions were peaceful. So I gave a mental message “I don’t like that, stop” at the time and went on to bed. I didn’t really see/get the point at the time…”so you can turn the computer on and off and it is freaky”…ok…and? 🙂

BUT now I get it – he was trying to make me understand that he is with me! He was trying to tell me who he was, really, but I wasn’t getting it at the time. I didn’t make the connection at all. Sometimes communicating is like charades…you have to interpret messages and I just didn’t get it – but looking back it makes perfect sense. Now, it makes sense.

I was asking who he was and he was trying to explain that he was in my house, he was with me…but since I didn’t know him, I still didn’t get it. Maybe he was also trying to tell me that although the communication seems slow and from “far away” he is actually very close to me…that’s the feeling I get, that’s what I think he was trying to do. He is definitely not trying to scare me, I know that. Because I knew that at the time I thought – ok don’t do that. 🙂 (update – it doesn’t bother me as much now – although electric issues are not my favorite ways of communicating) sometimes i get flickering lights that otherwise work just fine, etc. I now say in my mind “hi Sam” and it usually stops. He knows it is not my favorite thing and I continue to tell him it is a little freaky. 🙂

Next, I will tell you about going to the medium to confirm exactly who Sam is – pretty cool.

Much love.


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The context

Before I tell you about meeting Sam, I have to tell you a little bit about my environment. I have been working with Teri for a while now, things are always great when she is around.

1. I can sometimes feel my grandma and nanny’s love around, I get a beautiful love feeling – sometimes I smell something that reminds me of their bodies (I have “mommy” smells I identify with them like a baby) and other times I just get a thought, a feeling of sheer love that brings me to tears and I send them love back – I miss them and I love thinking about them. I just love them SO much.

2. At the same time, a little bit of my anxiety about “others,” not being alone, watch over my shoulder, dark and quiet, being alone, etc came back. I thought “oh dear”  – need to do some EFT and get rid of that memory of fear or new fear, etc.

3. Around the same time, some of my family members were talking about feeling like a dead loved one was trying to talk to them, dreaming about them, feeling like they need to see a medium. Another family member mentioned seeing a ghost and described the experience (this did not help my anxiety) 😉 Now I thought, ok, I really need to EFT.

4. Around the same time, while I was in my bathroom showering, I saw a silhouette out the corner of my eye. I jumped out of my skin – I know there was “something” there. I have no doubt but I didn’t know who, what – I had a strong feeling that it was a woman and that it was a loving presence, I didn’t feel bad although I was very scared. I proceeded to tell “it” that I was really scared and that I need to be left alone because I nearly skipped a beat. I communicated that although it might be easier to communicate if I have a heart attack, I don’t think that’s the best approach and didn’t think that was their intention so “back off.” (I later found out it is technically “my fault” I can see or feel them and that I should not be so harsh – working on it but I also have boundaries!)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The following days, I kept feeling anxious, there was something I needed to do  – so, I asked for the medium’s phone number and I decided to go and have an EFT session and see if any big issues come up that I want to clear, etc and also see if I needed to talk/connect to someone, specifically, in which case I can schedule another appointment.

During the session, I mention my fear and I start to tell her about my dream, my feelings, my life and she immediately tells me: honey, you are clairvoyant. I thought, ok, whatever! 🙂 How do I make this anxiety go away, lets just do some quick eft and forget about it but there was just too much going on in my life at this point for me to let it go – I didn’t want to do EFT, I wanted to know more. I just had a feeling that I needed to do something, I was willing to at least think about it.

Background: I haven’t meditated one minute in my life and I never tried to have any kind of non physical experience – until now, this is something that happened “to me” and thus it was terrifying. I couldn’t talk about it, what can I make of it? I am afraid of the dark? Teri was the only one who has been able to explain what was happening and give me tools to help with my fear.

I was told (by the medium) I had an option – I could either open up, try to make a connection and meet my spiritual guide and align my chakras OR decide it is not for me and close some of my chakras for now. Closing would keep my awareness of non physical energies low and thus help with my anxiety. I was assured, however, that nothing around me was “bad” – my homework was to decide yes or no and I was just a bit confused, uneducated and out of my league to even begin to know what I wanted to do. what does yes mean? is saying no, selfish? I was curious yet scared…what was happening and why now, why me, what am I supposed to do? Luckily, I have Teri (see the post about meeting Teri), who always brings me back to reality and to my NOW. she makes it easy for me to relax and be able to make decisions from a place of love, creativity and joy.

After a few days I decided that I did want to be open, I did want to make a connection. I may not have the time (at this particular point in my life) to take a lot of classes, meditate daily and really immerse myself into this practice BUT I am open to my personal guide and to things that can be beneficial to me and my loved ones. Teri gave me an affirmation to help with boundaries until I go back to see Michele and then it happened…I met Sam!

I guess Sam didn’t want to wait until my next medium visit, nor did I need to know how to meditate, try to connect or do anything special like open my chakras or get introduced (not that those things don’t help!) – it simply happened because I think he knew I was ok with it at this point and we were ready for the first connection – it was the most amazing yet weird yet beautiful thing I ever experienced and there are no words to describe it; however, I will do my best to put my experience in words in my next blog.

Much love.


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Childhood

Have you ever felt/thought there’s someone in the room? There IS! 🙂

Growing up, I was always afraid of the dark and of being alone. I always felt like “the boogie man” is going to get me. I had a funny anxiety and I was just afraid of the dark, I was never sure why as nothing ever happened to me – I had a lovely childhood and no reasons to be afraid.

When I expressed my fear I was reassured that nothing was “wrong” that there was “nothing there” and that it must be that I heard too many stories – little did my family members know that even at that age I could feel (and be aware) of much more that they could comprehend.

I never knew it back then but looking back, I could always feel “others” – I always had a sensitivity do different energies and who it was at the time is irrelevant.

It took more than 25 years to fully understand two things: I am not crazy & there is no reason to be afraid!

Even though the unknown can be scary at first because of our programming and society, with the right affirmations, intentions and boundaries, tapping in to the spirit world is quite beautiful and uplifting.